I entered the service center of my car dealership ten minutes early for a scheduled maintenance. The service rep took my name and confirmed the details. After a few minutes, she asked if I'd be waiting for the car. I said "What do you mean? We spoke about this when I made the appointment. I need a ride back to Portsmouth." She said, "The customer van just left for Portsmouth."

 

My internal thermometer went from 98.6 to about 1000 in two seconds. No time between precipitating event and reaction. Just zoom! My voice rose an octave as I stammered something like, "You knew I needed a ride. We talked about this yesterday!" I watched myself behaving in a completely uncentered and reactive way. Did this make anything better?

 

As I lingered in the waiting area, on the lookout for the van to return from the 20-minute ride to Portsmouth so that it could go back to Portsmouth again, I thought about my reaction and wondered how differently that moment might have gone if I'd been able to catch and center myself before responding to the service rep.

 

I was still pretty upset, so I centered myself. Next I visualized an imaginary scenario where instead of going off in an uncentered direction, I saw myself stop, breathe, and connect with the rep. Eye contact. Smile. "I still need a ride back." Then, in a straightforward, centered voice, "I thought we talked about this yesterday when I made the appointment. Should I have mentioned that as soon as I came in?"

 

Or maybe I stop, breathe, and connect with myself. Then say, "Okay, I'll be in the waiting room. I still need a ride back as soon as you can arrange one." And perhaps later, "I'm disappointed, I thought this was arranged when we made the appointment." Or not. In the centered vision, I have more options. There are a lot of ways I can go.

 

The van had gone, and nothing would change that. Accepting that fact was hard to do, but resisting it didn't make my life any easier.

 

 

 

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Check out the new blog! Judy Warner, Ellen Stapenhorst, and I offer our various "Aiki Gal" perspectives on using aikido in daily life. In addition to our own work, Judy, Ellen, and I all practice aikido and are all trainers at Tom Crum's "Journey to Center" program each September in Peaceful Valley, CO.
 
Our new blog -- journeytocenter.net -- has short stories, articles, research and quotes to support you in your journey to center.
Check it out!

Judy Ringer
Power & Presence Training
76 Park Street
Portsmouth, NH 03801
voice: 603.431.8560
website: www.judyringer.com

 

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help you and your organization manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a more positive work environment. E-mail Judy at judy@judyringer.com for a free initial meeting to discuss your training needs.

 

Ki (from Ai-ki-do) is Japanese for life energy. Ki Moments is a complimentary monthly "e-zine" with tips and how-to articles to help you manage the key moments in your life.

 

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